Forum for residents of St Georges Park and Long Leys Road Lincoln

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.

"Not a chance," she said, "he won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem," replied the doctor, "give him an 'Irish Viagra'. "Drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things ...

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will ...

A gorgeous young woman was waiting in the bus queue
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became
Aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to
Come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus
Driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
Thinking that this would give her ...

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed ...

What do you call a man wearing paper pants??


Russel!!

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

Phillip Hewitson, an elderly man, from Norwich UK, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, ...

Jonathan Ross has been caught stealing from Lakeland Plastics

When questioned by police he said it was a whisk he had to take.

Can you cry under water?


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


What disease did cured ham actually have?


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good ...

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
'Murphy, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic I
Want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'.
'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks:
'So, Murphy, how was your day?'

Murphy told him that he took care of ...

At last Gordon Brown decided to throw the towel in and resign.
His cabinet colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a
railway locomotive after him. So a senior 'Sir Humphrey' went from
Whitehall to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the
possibilities.
"They have a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a
specially-sought consultant told the top civil servant. "Mostly freight
locomotives though."
"Oh dear, that's not ...